


Pills

by waterbird13



Series: Tumblr Fics [145]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Again, Anxiety, Gen, Medication, Natasha outs Tony's medical conditions without his consent, PTSD, Steve debates pressuring Tony for more information, Therapy, bad model, bad model do not do in real life, discussions of mental health, set between Winter Soldier and Age of Ultron, which have been outed to her without his consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 16:09:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7940833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterbird13/pseuds/waterbird13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day post battle, Steve sees Tony popping pills he won't disclose the purpose of.</p><p>It leads to an interesting conversation with Natasha.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pills

**Author's Note:**

> This is a piece I'm crossposting from Tumblr.
> 
> It presumes Tony is getting some sort of therapy/medical support after Iron Man three, although of course its effectiveness is debatable. It's set when the team is working together hunting HYDRA bases. Warnings: Tony has PTSD and anxiety and panic attacks, he's taking prescribed medication. Natasha outs Tony's medical situation without his consent, which is bad, and it was outed to her without his consent, which is also bad. Steve makes bad assumptions about Tony and debates pressuring him for further information, which is also bad.

Steve watches Tony half turn to the side, open the little bottle and pop out some pills. He throws them back quickly, swallowing them dry and wincing at the texture.

“What are those?” Steve asks.

Tony shoves the bottle away before looking back at him. “None of your business,” he snaps.

The bottle’s disappeared into a pocket somewhere, although Steve didn’t even know that flight suit _had_  pockets. Maybe Tony added them. For the pills.

“Tony, if you need…” He begins, not sure how to finish it. Is he taking something for his heart? Steve knows, even with that hunk of metal gone now, it’s probably not great. Or is it a painkiller? Tony gets banged up in fights all the time, doesn’t like to talk about it much, treats getting treated for injuries like an inconvenience.

Or…it could be for a high. Steve’s not stupid, he knows how to Google. He knows people do that, it’s not exactly a new concept. He knows prescription drugs can be used to get that high, and he knows Tony has a history. He thought Tony was beyond that history, but…

Tony turns away. “You know what? I think you can handle debrief. Considering you’re the leader of this team. And I have stuff to build. We’ll take the yelling at me about being reckless as read.”

He walks off. Steve _had_ been planning on saying something about Tony being reckless, although he hoped he wouldn’t yell. He was kind of getting fed up with Tony taking hits for all of them for no damn reason, but _yelling_  seemed about as effective with Tony as trying to out-smart him.

It was tempting sometimes, though.

Still, now he’s more curious about the pills. He frowns, wondering if he can get it out of Tony if he follows him to the lab. Pulling the team leader card, he’s discovered, rarely works on any of the Avengers. They’re friends though, or friendly, at least, most of the time. Steve could try…

“They’re anxiety pills,” Natasha says.

“What?” Steve asks, turning to her. He didn’t even know that she came back up from her apartment. She’s freshly showered and changed, looking like, as always, she heard everything and knows twice as much.

“Anti-anxiety meds,” she says. “Meant for panic attacks.” She shrugs. “Clint has good eyes. The writing on the bottle is small, but not that small. He told me.”

“Anxiety meds?” Steve asks, thinking back. “Panic attacks?”

“You know what PTSD is?” Natasha asks.

Steve nods. “We called it shell-shock.”

“Right. And it’s definitely a thing, although I don’t think I have to convince you. I’m sure you saw your share.”

Sure he did. Bucky, even, who’d tried so hard to put himself to rights but was never quite the same kid he was, after HYDRA tortured him.

Something in Steve shudders, then pushes it away, refusing to wonder what kind of PTSD they’ll face when they get Bucky back. _When_.

“So, Tony has…” Steve trails off.

Natasha shrugs. “I’m not his doctor. I tried diagnosing him once and it didn’t go well. Looking at a person in an anomalous time doesn’t provide the best readings. I’d like not to try again. But I would guess so. Don’t we all?”

Steve ignores that deliberately–SHIELD had given him his own therapist once, who he is not entirely convinced was not an agent-plant feeling him out, and he _does not want to talk about it–_ and thinks about Tony instead. “Should he really be…” he begins.

“What? In the field? Working? An Avenger?” Natasha asks harshly. “Steve, he self-medicated for years. Booze, sex, there were probably party drugs in there. Wanted his brain to shut up, wanted his daddy issues to go away, wanted to not be young and awkward, I don’t know. And he used it when things got bad. That’s how I met him, doing what he could to ease the burden of him dying and drinking away the rest of the pain. At least it’s therapy and pills now, a stable relationship and he seems to be doing okay, considering.”

“If he just had a panic attack…”

“He didn’t. He _prevented_  himself from having a panic attack. That’s a difference.” She sits at the table, clearly ready for the debriefing to begin. “Steve, we’re all a little fucked up. We all deal with it, sometimes badly. At least Tony’s working on it, you know.”

The others come in then, Clint with a cut along his face and Bruce looking exhausted, Thor just the same as ever if slightly sweatier. Steve doesn’t get the chance to get another word in, and no one asks where Tony is. They all know from experience.

Steve doesn’t know what to think about those little pills. He doesn’t know what to think about Tony stalking off to the lab, from which he’ll undoubtedly emerge with some great new creation for the suit or for one of them. He doesn’t know what to think about PTSD and panic attacks and he has no idea what to do about Tony constantly jumping ahead, taking hits for the team. Hell, most of the time, he doesn’t even know what to think about Tony.

He lets the others go and gets a leveling, curious look from Natasha, and thinks he’ll have to give it some thought. A lot of thought.


End file.
